Anna Nicole's Ex Buys Lingerie for Their One-Year-Old Daughter, A Nation Squirms

Pity Anna Nicole Smith's one-year-old daughter Dannielynn, who will grow up never having known her exhaustively documented mother. A tragedy to be sure, but one that fame-hungry babydaddy Larry Birkhead is determined to resolve in the most unorthodox fashion possible. If only there were some way (besides granting paid exclusives to The Insider) he could show Dannielynn just how much her mother meant to him...

Larry Birkhead paid nearly $3,000 at an auction Saturday for lingerie worn by late ex Anna Nicole Smith in a Playboy shoot.

Birkhead explained he paid $1,800 for a pink bustier and $1,000 for a white negligee because he wanted to give their 1-year-old daughter Dannielynn a keepsake of her mother.

Five Tragic Tell-Alls From Celebrity Kin Looking To Cash In

Time to mark your calendars: Lynne Spears, mother of Britney and Jamie Lynn, has an official September release date for her memoir about raising two of the world’s most tabloid-friendly children, Through The Storm: A Real Story About Family And Fame In A Tabloid World. In the book, Spears will supposedly take the Dina Lohan route and disguise motherly resentment as motherly love and “express her love for her children and tell their stories through a mother's eyes,” according to the publisher, who specializes in “inspirational books and Bibles.” But how rosy and cozy can the tome’s description of family life be with a title referring to said life as a “storm”? And given the nature of celebrity family members' tell-alls in the past, coupled with the assurance that this will not be “a parenting book,” we certainly hope Lynne follows in the footsteps of Nancy Aniston and Virgie Arthur by revealing a bit more dirt than the rote "Britney And Jamie Lynn Were Perfect Angels" tales (given the fact that they’re, um, not these days). We took a closer look at five of the most trash-talking tell-alls from stars’ estranged and/or envious relatives to whet our appetite in the meantime:

Diablo Cody Wasn't The Only Former Stripper To Win An Oscar This Year

'Anna Nicole' Eclipses 'Indy 4' As 2008's Most Anticipated Release

We suppose some might dispute Nasser Entertainment's bold claim that Anna Nicole is "the most anticipated motion picture of the year." Still, after watching Bad Girl of Pop Willa Ford's complete and uncompromising transformation into the nonagenarian-sexing bombshell, we will concede that the movie has just shot up our 2008 Must-See List. Something about the way Ford captures Anna's baby-gurgle voice in the line, "I wanna be the next Marilyn Monroehrmphuh," coupled with the movie's Showgirls-on-no-budget production values, makes us feel like the bigwigs at Nasser really nailed this one, producing the kind of instant camp-o-tainment Anna Nicole herself would have starred in had she not been taken from us too soon.

• Nasser Entertainment

One Year After Anna Nicole's Death, Birkhead And Stern Still Finding Ways She Can Make Money

Larry Birkhead Refuses To Let Pesky 'Insider' Cameras Stop His 17-Month Old Daughter From Grieving

Larry Birkhead and integrity go together like peanut butter and mayonnaise. While we have never held him in anything even remoting approaching regard, we think that this clip might one day go down as his lowest moment. That goes for those creeps over at The Insider, too. This clip of Birkhead trotting out Dannielynn to the Bahamian gravesite where her mother is buried repulses us on more levels than we care to count. But we'll try.

Exclusive: Scientology 'Straight'ening Closeted Actors For Years, Says Author

Creepy Men Who Define Themselves Through Their Associations To Anna Nicole Celebrate Her 40th Birthday

Had she lived, Anna Nicole Smith would have been 40 years old today; she'd also very likely be disoriented, naked but for a set of lipstick cat whiskers, and wandering around the lobby of a Florida Hard Rock hotel with a nearby Howard K. Stern capturing every pratfall on Hi-8. As ever-tabloid-present in death as she was in her drug-addled years on Earth, Entertainment Tonight commemorates the posthumous milestone by approaching the two most essential mapping points on the love-polygon that defined much of her life—Stern and Larry Birkhead:

Today, ENTERTAINMENT TONIGHT spoke to Howard K. Stern and Larry Birkhead as they shared their continued grief for Anna Nicole Smith on what would have been her 40th birthday.

Behind The Anna Nicole Clown Video: Mark Revealed

With the Attorney General investigating the sinister network of prescription-dispensing Drs. Feelgood entrusted to her care, the Anna Nicole Clown Video: Criterion Collection made the blog rounds yesterday, ensuring sleepless nights for thousands haunted by the direful sounds of a nine-year-old girl baying, "Braaain trouble!" at the former Playboy model's unsuccessful attempts at burping a pineapple. The video only raised more questions: Who, for example, was the "Mark" that metteur en scène Howard K. Stern kept referring to throughout the shoot? Usmagazine.com has the answer:

Mark Schey, the president and CEO of creative agency 22Digital, which created the "TRIMSPA, Baby!" slogan, tells Us that through his "good, professional relationship" with Smith he often helped her post fan videos on her personal website "as a courtesy kind of thing." He claims he was not paid, however, and that he wasn't present at the Bahamas video shoot.

Anna Nicole Smith Clown Video Director's Cut More Disturbing Than We Ever Imagined

It turns out the now-infamous Anna Nicole in Creepy Clown Makeup clip comes from a much longer, much more disturbing video, aired on Geraldo at Large. Brought to Rivera's show by the father of a nine-year-old girl present for the entire shoot, the girl describes having seen Howard K. Stern give Smith something from "a white bottle with red stripes."

Amazon's recommendation engine suggests shoppers looking for Rita Cosby's shocking Anna Nicole tell-all Blonde Ambition also check out bestselling O.J. Simpson pseudo-confessional If I Did It, the rationale presumably being that while reading up on two mysterious Hollywood deaths is nice, four is even nicer.

Rita Cosby's $60 Mil Book Party Ambush

Consistent with yesterday's reports that Howard K. Stern would be suing Blonde Ambition author Rita Cosby for defamation of character, the crusader for tabloid justice was served yesterday with a hefty lawsuit moments before she made her grand entrance at the book launch party being thrown in her honor. Asking if the stack of legal papers is a "love letter from [Stern attorney] Lin Wood," Cosby puts on a brave face for The Insider's cameras, insisting she stands by her allegations that Stern was a Larry-diddling prescription Pez-dispenser somewhere in the realm of an astounding 110 - 120 percent.

• Video: Rita Cosby Served with Papers [InsiderOnline]

Stern Says $60 Mil Barely Enough To Cover Suffering Of Having World Think He'd Do Birkhead

Though it was Larry Birkhead who openly swore he'd sue Rita Cosby, to use the legal parlance, "back into the MSNBC rat-hole from which she first produced her twitching rodent snout," it is Howard K. Stern, the second half of the all-male coupling she licentiously described in Blonde Ambition, who's first to file suit:

Anna Nicole Smith's lawyer and companion, Howard K. Stern, filed a $60 million libel lawsuit Tuesday against Rita Cosby and her publisher over a book she wrote that claims Stern and Smith's ex-boyfriend, Larry Birkhead, had a sexual encounter.