Jeff Zucker Rumored To Be Seeking Damages From WGA For Pooping On His Golden Globes Parade: UPDATE

Nikki Blonsky Flips Out, Quite Literally

Robbed Of Their Moment, This Year's Golden Globe Victors Agree That It's An Honor Just To Win

After a disorienting Golden Access Globes Press Hollywood Conference Awards that left nominees and audiences alike utterly befuddled (we understand Sally Field was fished out of The Grove's dancing waters fountain at 3 a.m. delivering an impassioned speech about bringing the troops home to two security guards on a golf cart), our traditional Globes parties post-mortem promised to be a similar mess. Still, if there were awards, and there were winners, by God there's going to be a reactions round-up, even if it comes off sounding a lot like the ones you read after the nominations are announced:
· The Atonement crew toasted their win at a bungalow at the Chateau Marmont, where the ghost of O.D.'d John Belushi smiled over their WWII romance's win. [Variety]
· Marion Cotillard enjoyed her win for La Vie en Rose from the Four Seasons. "I'm enjoying so much what's going on here, I can't be disappointed in any way," she said, convincingly masking her extreme disappointment. [Variety]

America Not Particularly Interested In Billy Bush's Announcement Of Golden Globes Winners On NBC

· NBC's Billy Bush-enhanced Reading of the Golden Globes Winners telecast draws just 5.8 million viewers, lower Nielsen numbers than even last week's public-access-quality People's Choice Awards delivered to CBS. Meanwhile, the premiere of Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles was huge for Fox. [THR]
· Shaking off the disappointment of its Globes debacle, NBC orders another season of Proven Ratings Winner American Gladiators (surely, two episodes is all the evidence one needs to make such a commitment!), though the network is being coy about how many episodes it's ordered or when they might air. [Variety]

Though the cancellation of Golden Globes ceremony forced the Hallmark Channel to grudgingly call off its annual after-party, considered by many to be the most debauched in all of Hollywood (2006's orgy honoring Meet the Santas is still spoken of in hushed tones for the five overdosing Saint Nicks who had to be removed from a single bathroom stall at the Riot Hyatt), Globes nominee and A Grandpa for Christmas star Ernest Borgnine decided he would still try and salvage what fun he could from the wreckage of the evening, hosting an intimate gathering at his home. And Access Hollywood was there!

The ever-smiling Hollywood veteran said he was happy to be home instead of wrapped up in the "hullabaloo" of the ceremony, "because if I want a beer or I want a sandwich or whatever, I'm able to get up and go. These people have to sit there and wait until somebody tells them to go pee."

Globes Winner Jeremy Piven Wants You To Know He Came Up With The Bitch-Hugging Thing All By Himself

Once of the great tragedies of last night's decimated Golden Globes was being deprived of the opportunity to watch Entourage's Jeremy Piven, one of Hollywood's most enthusiastic awards recipients, take the stage and toe the always-difficult line between obligatory humility and "I so deserved this! This fucking show is nothing but four stoned jackasses high-fiving in a booth at Les Deux without Ari Gold!" self-aggrandizement

Hey Natalie Morales, Amy Adams Is Not A Whore Just Because She Once Worked At Hooters

Golden Globes ... To Liveblog or Not To Liveblog?

Even if the cancellation of the Golden Globes and its satellite parties had been precipitated by nuclear, rather than labor, Armageddon, you could be sure that a radioactive, iridescent army of swag suite staffers would still be roaming the smoldering Hollywood hellscape, distributing designer jeans, sunglasses, and coupons redeemable for full-body laser-resurfacing procedures to any semi-recognizable survivors of the blast. Though gifting professionals initially feared that the sober climate of this crippled awards season might dissuade people from turning out to collect their frivolous wares, they soon realized that the siren call of free shit would be far too seductive to ignore:

An Important Incremental Update On The Death Of The Golden Globes

HFPA Dissidents Upset At NBC's Plans To Turn Golden Globes Press Conference Into 'Access Hollywood'-Style Fiasco

According to the LAT's Gold Derby blog, some scandalized members within shadowy, buffet-decimating, kudos-proffering concern the Hollywood Foreign Press Association are livid that network broadcast partner NBC, hoping to salvage something from the strike-ravaged wreckage of the Golden Globes, intend to turn Sunday's one-hour press conference announcing this year's winners into an Access Hollywood-branded farce presided over by two of dinnertime TV's most recognizable faces:

HFPA leaders caved under network pressure only when assured that the TV show would be a serious press conference produced by NBC's news division. They never thought they'd get stuck with "a puff show" with Billy Bush and Nancy O'Dell, says a source.

Not Even E! Is Going To Bother Showing Up For The Golden Globes

OK, now the Golden Globes are really, truly, stick-them-in-the-ground-and- shovel-some-dirt-on-the-coffin dead: The E! network—whose 101 Most Awkward Red Carpet Moments Involving An Actress Being Taken Aback By Ryan Seacrest's Encyclopedic Knowledge Of High-End Women's Footwear clip-show special is a ratings winner even after years of reruns—can't even be bothered to dispatch its starving, celebrity-circling vultures to pick at whatever carrion-morsels are left on the event's bleached bones. And it gets worse:

Bad News: Oscars In Peril; Good News: 'The Two Coreys' Are Back!

· With the 65th Golden Globes Awards having succumbed to the strike plague, all eyes turn to its far wealthier and more powerful cousin Oscar, whose coughing up of blood into a lace handkerchief doesn't strike us as a good omen. [Variety]
· The loss of the Globes was the first real sting felt by the film industry since the start of the strike, resulting in studio executives demanding of a supposedly merciful God how He could have allowed them to go about all that For You Consideration campaigning in vain. [Variety]

Letterman Shaved, Sloppily

· Click the above image for our video recap of last night's various acts of talk-show-host facial hair removal, in which a unibrow is plucked, a Moses-beard shredded, and a drifter-thicket shaved. At least Conan still seems committed to resisting the siren call of his razor until his writers return.
· The Carpetbagger finds the Golden Globes credentialing desk to be the loneliest place in the world.
· In this case at least, The Spy Who Licked Me doesn't refer to some kind of pornographic reimagining of 007's adventures in Her Majesty's sexy service.
· Somehow, we forgot that it's Zahara's birthday. The middle children always get lost in the shuffle.

Still More Globes Cancellation Fallout: Spielberg Won't Be Getting his DeMille Award Until Next Year

How Much Will The Globes Cancellation Cost Hollywood?

· The Los Angeles County Economic Development Corp. estimates that the cancellation of the Globes "could" cost the local economy more than $80 million; should the Oscars also go down, the organization says L.A. can expect another $130 million to be flushed away. [Variety]
· The DGA announces the nominations for their yearly awards, with There Will Be Blood's Paul Thomas Anderson, No Country's Coen Brothers, Michael Clayton's Tony Gilroy, Into the Wild's Sean Penn, and The Diving Bell and the Butterfly's Julian Schabel all earning the official esteem of their behind-the camera peers. [Variety]

Surveying The Golden Globes Cancellation After-Party Carnage

News that the Golden Globes ceremony had been permanently and irrevocably canceled, replaced instead by a sickly televised press conference wheeled out in an iron lung to wheeze through this year's winners, did little to raise Hollywood's spirits last night as they solemnly death-marched up the Critics' Choice Awards red carpet. Not surprisingly, The Envelope now reports that the fall of Hollywood's booziest, A-listiest party is taking down all of its satellite clusterfêtes with it, in what could well go down in Hollywood history books as The Great Tinseltown Party Famine of Oh-Eight:

Golden Globes Ceremony Officially Canceled (For Real This Time)